ദീർഘനിശ്വാസം

Lockdown കാലത്ത്  സഹായത്തിന് ആളില്ലാതെ വന്നപ്പോൾ മറ്റു വീട്ടുജോലികൾക്കൊപ്പം അത്താഴത്തിനുള്ള ചപ്പാത്തി ഉണ്ടാക്കലും സ്വയം ഏറ്റെടുത്തു. പരത്താനും ചുടാനും മക്കൾ കൂടിത്തന്നു. മാവു കുഴയ്ക്കാൻ ബലം കൊടുത്തു കൊടുത്ത് വലതു കൈ 3 - 4 ദിവസം കഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോൾ വല്ലാതെ കഴയ്ക്കാൻ തുടങ്ങി. Operated side- ലെ കൈ ആണല്ലോ; physiotherapy എല്ലാം ചെയ്ത് ശരിയായതല്ലേ; അപ്പോൾ ഇത് തുടർച്ചയായി ചെയ്താൽ ചിലപ്പോൾ കൈവേദന കൂടി വരുമായിരിക്കും..... 

നല്ല കൈ കഴപ്പോടെ, വെഞ്ചരിച്ച എണ്ണയിട്ടു തടവി രാത്രി ഉറങ്ങാൻ കിടന്നപ്പോൾ ഉള്ളിൽ നിന്നും ഒരു ദീർഘനിശ്വാസം ഉയർന്നു: 'ഈശോയേ, എനിക്ക് ഇനി ചപ്പാത്തിക്കു കുഴക്കാൻ പറ്റാതെ വരുമോ....?' അധികം താമസിയാതെ തന്നെ ഉറങ്ങിപ്പോയി.

ഉറക്കത്തിൽ എപ്പോഴോ വളരെ കൃത്യതയോടെ ഒരു കാര്യം ഓർമ്മയിൽ തെളിഞ്ഞു വന്നു - 9 വർഷങ്ങൾക്കു മുൻപ് ഒരു uncle കൊണ്ടു തന്ന electric ചപ്പാത്തി kneader  വീട്ടിലിരിപ്പുണ്ടല്ലോ....

രാവിലെ ഉറക്കമുണർന്ന ഉടനെ അത് ഓർത്തു. ശരിയാണ്, ഉപയോഗിക്കാതെ അത് അവിടെ ഇരിപ്പുണ്ട്. നേരെ അടുക്കളയിൽ ചെന്ന് അലമാരിയിൽ നിന്ന് അതു കണ്ടെടുത്തു. കയ്യിൽ ബലം കൊടുക്കാതെ kneading hooks attachment ഉപയോഗിച്ച് മാവ് കുഴച്ചെടുക്കാം. ഉപയോഗിച്ചു തുടങ്ങിയപ്പോൾ വലിയ ആശ്വാസമായി.

ഇത് ഓർമ്മയിൽ കൊണ്ടുവന്നത് പരിശുദ്ധാത്മാവാണ് - സംശയമില്ല. അല്ലെങ്കിൽ 9 വർഷമായി ഞാൻ തുറന്നു പോലും നോക്കാത്ത ഈ box-നെ ഞാൻ എങ്ങിനെ ഓർമ്മിക്കാൻ ?  

വിശ്വസിക്കാൻ പ്രയാസം. ഈ കൊറോണ പ്രതിസന്ധി സമയത്ത് അനേകകോടി ജനങ്ങളുടെ നിലവിളികൾക്കിടയിൽ, എൻ്റെ  ഈ കൊച്ചു ദീർഘനിശ്വാസം -  ദൈവമേ, നീയെങ്ങനെ കേട്ടു?

മനസ്സിലേക്കോടിവന്ന വചനം - ' തൻ്റെ  പ്രിയപ്പെട്ടവർ ഉറങ്ങുമ്പോൾ കർത്താവ് അവർക്കു വേണ്ടത് നൽകുന്നു.' (സങ്കീർത്തനം 127:2)

ദൈവമേ,  നീയെന്നെ സ്നേഹിക്കും പോലെ 

നിന്നെയും സ്നേഹിക്കുവനായ് എന്നെ പഠിപ്പിക്കണമേ!

Lucy

May 5, 2020

The Six Empty Barrels

It all started when the hosts of the wedding feast at Cana ran out of wine, and our blessed mother found out. Jesus ordered the servants to fill the six empty stone barrels with water. And then to pour it out.

Neither the six barrels nor the water were special. But the One who gave the orders was special.
The wine came to be because the water that filled those six jars was as per His order.

Even as I read this narration for the umpteenth time, I felt a new excitement today:

Hey!
There are six of us here at home - Roshan, me, Rachel, Daniel, Joel, & Michael.
We could be those six stone barrels every morning!
At the beginning of each new day, at His feet - emptied out and ready to be filled...
As the day progresses, we let Jesus decide & order what goes into us and fills us....
Ordinary experiences, activities, thoughts, feelings, emotions - just like the plain, ordinary water at Cana - BUT willed and ordered by Jesus.
And then whenever we pour ourselves out  - at work, at school, at home, in the kitchen, wherever - WOW!

That is exactly why we all need personal prayer time every day; to re-dedicate ourselves to Him on a daily basis; to set ourselves down at His feet every single morning - empty barrels to be filled, to be poured out to others......

Thank you Lord!

Lucy

2nd March 2017

Walking with the Lord

It was the image of Michael and I walking along the road that first came to mind.....

There are these times when Michael refuses to hold my hand during a walk - but at the same time, he wants me to walk right by his side. Same with cycling - he doesn't want me to push or even touch his cycle as he rides - but nevertheless, he wants me to be right there, walking right by his side. It's no different when Roshan takes him out. 

I smiled to myself.....

Even as little Michael considers himself to be an almost-4-year-old-big-boy, he knows for sure that there would be times when he would need a helping hand. Very smart indeed! 

I pause for a moment, and hear the soft whispering voice within me....:

    'How lovely would it be if your walk with the Lord was like this!'

True, all of us desire to walk with the Lord; and we do - at times.

How about every moment of our lives...? Do we make sure we have Him walking right by our side?

To pick us up when we fall; to fill our cups when we run dry...?

Well, I realise the good news - when we begin each new day with a prayer of surrender, inviting Him to walk with us, He is all set and ready to join us on our walk! 

As we go ahead with our responsibilities, our daily chores... Yes, He's right there - with us! 

Hurray! 

Haven't we all experienced this countless number of times?

Him always being there to pick us up as soon as we begin to fall; to fill our cups as soon as we tend to run dry....?  His constant presence, with us....?

Yes, Lord - Thank you.....!

***

What came to mind next was the image of a magician doing tricks - making objects move and levitate. Audience, unaware of the invisible threads that make this possible, cheer and clap with awe. A few, though, wish they knew the secret behind the trick....

When those around us see, notice and appreciate the good that we are able to accomplish - may all glory and honour be to the invisible Hands that empower us! 

When those around us see us stand tall and unshaken in the face of adversities and exclaim, 'what a strong person!' , 'what a braveheart!' - little do they know that it's the secret, invisible, and wounded Hands that uphold us - yes, Hands that never fail to pick us up when we fall; never fail to fill our cups when we run dry.

But, hey! Let's not just stop there! Let's go ahead and share our secret, our good news! 

That we have our Lord to walk with us if only we'll ask Him; That we have those precious, wounded Hands to uphold us if only we'll let Him... 

There would surely be a few out there wishing to know the secret....

So that many more that fall could be picked up,  and many more that run dry could be filled...

Praise God! 

Lucy

September 2016

The Power of Love

'If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.'  (1Corinthians 13:1)

The maid we have at home was, for some reason, behaving very indifferently towards me the past few months. It seemed as though she was angry and upset with just me and no one else. Wouldn't answer my questions or acknowledge anything I said; showed her displeasure when I entered the kitchen or did anything there; so on and so forth. Since I always spoke kindly and gently to her, I couldn't find any justifications for the way she behaved with me. I did try asking her about this, but she would just keep quiet and not say a word. More than once I have tried to strike a normal conversation, but she would ignore every word and pretend not to hear me at all. I found this very irritating and stressful. I tried to think hard if there was anything more that I needed to do, and concluded that there was not - because I was always polite, gentle and tolerant in my interactions with her and have never treated her harshly. Things were all the more difficult because our medium of communication had to be Hindi, which didn't come too naturally to me. And the whole situation of working with someone who sulked at me 24/7 was really causing me a lot of stress. 

So just the other day, I flopped down on my bed-side chair and pleaded, 'Lord, I know I am taking all this stress unnecessarily; but I just don't know how to come out of this; please help me!' 

The moment I finished saying this, I clearly heard the voice of Jesus telling me, 

 "Love. Expect nothing in return."

A few other related verses from the Bible streamed in to my mind:

'Freely you have received, freely give.' (Matthew 10:8)

 'If you love only those who love you, what credit is that to you?'  (Luke 6:32)

 'Overcome evil with good.' (Romans 12:21)

I kept re-playing the clear, crisp commanding voice of Jesus - "Love. Expect nothing in return."  And the depth of its meaning slowly dawned on me.......

I had made the mistake of thinking that being kind, gentle and polite was good enough. True - I was indeed kind, gentle and polite towards to her; but I expected her to be kind and respectful in return. That was not love - not by Jesus' standards. As people who know Jesus, we are called to do much more. We are called to love, expecting nothing in return. We are called to be kind and gentle and forgiving, no matter what. I promised Jesus I would run to the confessional at the earliest opportunity. All of a sudden I felt very light at heart and all of the stress lifted off.

I now desired to set things right by loving her as Jesus wanted me to. I stepped into the kitchen repeating to myself, 'I will love, expecting nothing in return.' I knew Jesus would provide His grace.  

When I started speaking to her, she responded cheerfully - an actual conversation happening after many days. When I got ready to cook something, she chopped the onions for me and even asked me if I needed tomatoes as well - something that hasn't been happening for a long long time. Honestly, I couldn't believe my ears. The magic of true love was already at work. 

The more I reflect on this little experience, the more I am filled with awe. It's been more than a fortnight now, and the magic still continues. To move what I thought was a huge mountain, all it took was a decision to love! It was so powerful that it transformed my heart as well as hers in the blink of an eye. 

May we never strive to be just 'good enough' people - for that's not what we are called to be. Instead, may every one of us be able to go about our daily chores and responsibilities, with His words ringing in our ears - "Love. Expect nothing in return" - remembering that if we have the desire, He will provide the grace. It is then that we will experience the fullness of joy and peace that Jesus has promised for those who love Him. 

Praise God!

The Table

We have this little table in our home. It's a small square table with wooden legs and a glass top, originally made to be a coffee table for our living room area. This area being not too large, the table was made in such a way that it could be put away in the space under a big table in the area, to be pulled out only when we needed to use it. Well, it's been about six years now – and I can't remember a time when we actually took this table out and used it. It just gets pulled out, dusted, and pushed back. Only the other day, I was thinking that this table has been useless and a mere waste of money.

And then came Fr.Babu, to celebrate Holy Mass at home. We planned to set up the dining table for the Mass and kept a big white tablecloth ready to drape over it. But the father, taking a quick look around the room, straightaway pointed to this little table hiding under the big one, and said, 'Why don't we use this one?'

Thus, the table got pulled out, dusted and cleaned, and draped with the big white tablecloth (which, by the way, had to be folded twice). Two candles at either end; three vases of fragrant flowers lined up in front; all things for the Eucharistic celebration laid out neatly on top. It looked absolutely beautiful.The inconspicuous coffee table which I had branded 'useless', was now all adorned and ready to be the Eucharistic Table ; ready to hold up the precious Body and Blood of Christ; chosen to be the altar of the Great Sacrifice...

These thoughts have been playing in my mind ever since we had the Mass at home last Saturday. At first when they streamed in, my reaction was - 'why such a big deal about such a small matter?' But then I realized that they came with a message. About how God spots us sitting in our own hiding places, and yearns to use us for glorious purposes. Are we available? If yes, He will adorn us with all that we need. Just as He did to the little coffee table.  Praise God!

The Voice

During the counselling session by Philochechy in January she talked about the voice of God talking to us in daily life. She talked about how she has heard God telling her in seemingly ordinary situations like taking a bus or going somewhere, which seems to go against logic and reasoning.

I have heard this "voice" many times, especially while driving. As you may (may not) know, I like driving and is fairly aggressive on the road. There are many instances where I have clearly heard a voice telling me SLOW DOWN. And these are instances when the roads are pretty desolate and your heart tells you to floor the pedal. Or it could be a time when someone was overtaking and then the voice says LET HIM GO. It is a very definite, distinct and direct voice that I hear. It felt very strange in the beginning and once or twice I even turned around to see if someone in the car was saying this. Somehow I have always listened the voice.

An unseen hurdle, a possible accident, chance of a tyre puncture...only God knows what He was saving me from.

I thought it was the voice of the Holy Spirit but now I know it is.

Walk with me, o my Lord

During the last retreat we had attended, Brother Edmund had asked the participants who had problems at their job to raise their hands.
I too had raised my hand.

Since December 2012, I was holding a job, but was not assigned work. In other words, on 'bench'.

My supervisor had (unfairly as I think) assigned me the lowest rating possible for performance.
This was even though all evaluators( 3 of them) said I was hard working and technically competent.
I tried to protest this injustice, but nothing came out of it.

Due to this, no one wanted to take me to their project.

After a few months of not being assigned work, the HR manager had called me and suggested that I look for another job.
I was most upset, and even though I thought it would be no good, I sent him the details of the circumstances in which I had been given a low rating.
By God's grace, my service was not terminated.
I have since learnt that many others with similar low rating had been dismissed. Even some with much longer loyalty service record and much more professionally qualified.

However, I cannot say how disappointed I was about all these incidents that happened.
I felt that the job that God had given me was being taken away unfairly by a human.
It was not a nice feeling at all.

During this tough time, God gave me a lot of grace. Even though I was sad, I never felt too disturbed.
I could be at peace in my small world.
God had taught me that He is the Lord who works for my salvation.

I tried for other jobs. I had passed to HR round of one company. But when they tried to call me for their requirement, I missed their calls and emails and saw it two days later. That way I lost that opportunity too.

Before I had come for the retreat, I had attended another interview. That too only at my husband's insistence.

I could not honestly say that I had ever prayed for the supervisor at my workplace who caused so much pain.
During the retreat, after Brother had asked those with problems at workplace to raise our hands,
God gave me the grace to pray that the supervisor would also come to see Jesus.

That same day while I was eating dinner, the representative of the company I had attended the interview with, called on my number.  The phone was upstairs in my room and on silent mode.
However my daughter noticed it and brought it to me. To cut the long story short, I got an offer from that company.

During the period with no work, I got to spend some time with my family and God. This was a very great blessing.

Another funny thing is that during that time each time I opened the Bible, I would get some part about building God's temple. Our parish church is building a new church building.
I finally took the messages to mean that I should give some money for the purpose.
I did, thinking that probably it would be the last time that I would be giving tithe.
I was relieved when I stopped getting the same parts from the Holy Book.

Now is the stunner. God granted it that the salary per annum the new company has offered is for a sum almost exactly equal to 100 times the amount I gave away.

I was just thinking about this coincidence when the Bible opened to Wisdom 11:18-20.
Wisdom 11: 20(b) "But you have chosen to measure, count, and weigh everything you do."
Then the words, " now that you have learnt it, go and do likewise."

God also took care that I would go to the new organization in peace.

God allowed it to happen that I pass a competency test for the existing employment with no preparation at all.
And then, an HR representative called me.
He told me that in spite of all the people who worked against me, I should be really positive, and that all people are not untrustworthy. Apparently he and the HR manager who had initially suggested that I look for another job had supported me through all the chopping and pruning that had taken place within the organization.
Wonder of wonders, he even went so far as to scold me for not considering him my friend!!
God be praised! It was almost unbelievable.

Romans 8:28 : In all things God works for good with those who love him.

God has taught me a lot through this experience.
May He grant us the grace always to trust in Him and
may His will be done!!